Many Filipinos don't have satire gene

Sun, 03/02/2014 - 18:23

By Alan Robles

A "statistically significant" number of Filipinos lack a gene that lets them detect satire, a new study claims.

Scientists at the prestigious Asian Research Institutes for Understanding Humor and Silly Walks (ARIUHSW) yesterday announced that many Filipinos apparently lack the Satire Gene (SG).

According to the institute's spokesperson Dr. Soon Tu Ve Hung, SG deficiency "prevents people from distinguishing the true from the ridiculous."

Journalism in the Philippines

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 08:00

By Alan Robles

Seeing that journalism has lately become a focus of public interest, I feel it my duty as a practicing journalist to earnestly answer this specially prepared, long and comprehensive list of utterly bogus random questions about my profession:

1. What's so special about being a journalist?

For one thing, it allows a writer (like me) to use the plural pronoun and morph into the dreaded "Editorial We"

2. What's so special about this "we" thing?

Binay minion to PNoy: Slow down reforms or our boss won't be able to roll all of them back

Mon, 10/07/2013 - 08:00

By Alan Robles

President Benigno Aquino III should slow down his reforms to give Vice President Jejomar Binay a "reasonable chance" of rolling them back once he becomes president.

The appeal was aired yesterday by a shady troll claiming to work for the Binay party.

Tol Fapol, president, CEO and sole employee of the Binayaran Walking Tumor Enterprises online consultancy, said that "Aquino should be more considerate. How about giving an older guy a break?"

Marcoses will just wait for all Martial Law victims, witnesses to die off

Mon, 09/02/2013 - 03:24

The Marcos family has unveiled a new strategy for dealing with its numerous victims and critics: wait for them to die off.

"We've decided that apart from lying about and denying all their accusations, we will basically outlive all those stupid people", said Marcos flunky Benedicto Maligno, chief of the PR consultancy firm Mordor Enterprises, Pte.

Government bares plan to regulate satire

Fri, 06/28/2013 - 08:53

by Alan Robles

Government yesterday announced it was taking "immediate action" to regulate satire in the Philippines.

Speaking to reporters, Marcos Madalang, Spokesman Class IV at the Department of Some Office or Another, said that "we have come to the conclusion that satire is hazardous."

He denied the government was engaged in censorship, or was stifling free speech.

UP, rename those colleges!

Mon, 06/24/2013 - 16:32

by Alan Robles

The University of the Philippines (UP) has apparently renamed its business administration college the "Cesar EA Virata School of Business", in honor of some totally random dude nobody knows.

Haha, just kidding. Actually Virata's a distinguished and noted international financing wizard who played a key historic role. His unique contribution? The economic model known as "let's prop up the Martial Law dictatorship." Instead of macroeconomics, call it marcoseconomics.

Expert's solution to Manila's traffic

Mon, 06/24/2013 - 12:46

by Alan Robles

The solution to Metro Manila's horrendous traffic and floods is simple: live in Australia.

This was the key finding in a study presented yesterday by self-proclaimed urban planner Dick Langtrabaho

According to Langtrabaho, "it's conclusive -- the best way to deal with Manila's terrible gridlock is to live in Oz."

He said he had chosen that particular country for a "very" logical reason -- "because I say so."

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