The Press Secretary is articulate, well-educated, and highly intelligent. So how come so many people don't know what the hell he's talking about most of the time?

We decided to investigate the matter and assign a competent linguist, political theorist and anthropologist to examine the issue. Then we found out we didn't have the money to pay for these people, so we said the hell with that.

Instead we've fabricated the following glossary as a guide to what we THINK the secretary actually means. We've found that he can be understood better if you stand on your head and mumble the following chant" "I love you Gloria." When you do that everything he says makes perfect sense.