A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her bath. The doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob, our neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

 

• LESSON: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

 

A priest offers a lift to a nun. She gets in and crosses her legs, forcing her habit apart to reveal a shapely leg. The priest nearly has an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slides his hand onto her thigh.

The nun says, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removes his hand.

But, changing gears, he lets his hand slide up her thigh again. The nun once again says, "Father, please remember Psalm 129!" The priest apologizes.

"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun goes on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushes to look up Psalm 129.

"Go forth and seek further up, you will find glory."

• LESSON: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out.

The genie says, "I normally grant three wishes, but as there are three of you, I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of piña coladas and the love of my life by my side." Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

• LESSON: Always let your boss have the first say.

 

A crow is sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asks him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answers: "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sits on the ground below the crow, and rests. A fox jumps on the rabbit and eats it.

• LESSON: To be sitting and doing nothing all day, you must be sitting very high up.

 

A turkey is chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighs the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" suggests the bull. "They're packed with nutrients.." The turkey pecks at a lump of dung and finds that it indeed gives him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reaches the second branch.

Finally on the fourth day, the turkey reaches and proudly perches at the top of the tree. He is immediately spotted by a farmer, who shoots him off the tree.

 

• LESSON: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.