Filipinos love to run fast: in particular, as soon as they're able they love to run fast all the way to the airport and clear out of the country. They rush off to become Americans, Germans, Italians, French, Dutch, Canadians, Australians.

It's becoming difficult telling who's Filipino. That short brown Asian with his family -- what does it say on their passports? Norwegian. How about that terribly-dressed geezer speaking loud fractured English? American from Daly City. That person with the dark glasses and burnoose? Terrorist - oops! Sorry sir! Don't forget your explosives sir! And you sir, what nationality are you? Airport police? We're being a nuisance?

What's strange is as soon as our kababayan flee escape chicken out arrive abroad and become hyphenated citizens, they start loudly proclaiming how Filipino they actually are. Yeah, says who? How do you prove it? By reciting Florante at Laura? Dancing the tinikling?

That's why we've come up with this quiz. If you have doubts about someone, you could make her take the test. That should settle all doubts and drive up the traffic to this website.

This test could take the place of a national ID. Soon it will be featured on talk shows. Soon we will receive fat government contracts with 25 per cent commissions on each test. Soon it will be time for our medication. Meantime...

Take the quiz