alan robles

Spin doctors overjoyed Bongbong Marcos finally has a really thick face

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 14:00
 
Spin doctors of Ferdinand "Bongbong" Marcos junior yesterday rejoiced their client has finally grown a "thick, deceit-worthy face."
 
They exulted after seeing Marcos junior declare "what am I to say sorry about?" when his dictator father's crimes were alluded to in a TV interview early this week.
 
"Did you see that? He didn't bat an eyelash!", shouted one political consultant, part of an anxious team of spin doctors, child psychologists, speech coaches, evil shamans, orcs and hobgoblins gathered at a media "war room" in the Imelda Marcos 

In search of Binay's running mate

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:45
 
 
Deep in the dark heart of the political jungle, skilled professionals are engaged in an important quest: hunting and bagging that elusive creature, a running mate for Vice President Binay.
 
Let's talk to one of those agents, Gnoll Tahol, CEO and Droolmaster of the Showbeast Government Headhunting Troll Tribe and Carinderia Services Inc
 
Hot Manila: How's the hunting?

About Alan

Mon, 08/31/2015 - 20:53

A print journalist for 35 years now, I've worked for publications such as Business Day, Manila Times, Manila Chronicle, Link magazine and Asiaweek. What do these papers all have in common? They’re all dead. But I had nothing to do with it, officer, I swear.

I’ve written for Time magazine, USA Today, Reader’s Digest and Asian Wall Street Journal, which all seem to have actually survived the experience.

Many Filipinos don't have satire gene

Sun, 03/02/2014 - 18:23

By Alan Robles

A "statistically significant" number of Filipinos lack a gene that lets them detect satire, a new study claims.

Scientists at the prestigious Asian Research Institutes for Understanding Humor and Silly Walks (ARIUHSW) yesterday announced that many Filipinos apparently lack the Satire Gene (SG).

According to the institute's spokesperson Dr. Soon Tu Ve Hung, SG deficiency "prevents people from distinguishing the true from the ridiculous."

Journalism in the Philippines

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 08:00

By Alan Robles

Seeing that journalism has lately become a focus of public interest, I feel it my duty as a practicing journalist to earnestly answer this specially prepared, long and comprehensive list of utterly bogus random questions about my profession:

1. What's so special about being a journalist?

For one thing, it allows a writer (like me) to use the plural pronoun and morph into the dreaded "Editorial We"

2. What's so special about this "we" thing?

Government bares plan to regulate satire

Fri, 06/28/2013 - 08:53

by Alan Robles

Government yesterday announced it was taking "immediate action" to regulate satire in the Philippines.

Speaking to reporters, Marcos Madalang, Spokesman Class IV at the Department of Some Office or Another, said that "we have come to the conclusion that satire is hazardous."

He denied the government was engaged in censorship, or was stifling free speech.

Expert's solution to Manila's traffic

Mon, 06/24/2013 - 12:46

by Alan Robles

The solution to Metro Manila's horrendous traffic and floods is simple: live in Australia.

This was the key finding in a study presented yesterday by self-proclaimed urban planner Dick Langtrabaho

According to Langtrabaho, "it's conclusive -- the best way to deal with Manila's terrible gridlock is to live in Oz."

He said he had chosen that particular country for a "very" logical reason -- "because I say so."

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